Past is past

Now is all there is. I delved into my past not to excuse or rationalize, but to show the process of rationalization. Yeah, things sucked in a lot of ways. They weren't that bad in others. Everything is fine, it's just the pain of regret that never goes away. Oh, it fades into dullness but it never truly leaves, or if it does, I've not lived long enough for that.

So what is the point?

Not to make anyone feel bad for me. I don't care for sympathy over my bad decisions. If something terrible and beyond my control has happened, by all means, I appreciate concern, but if it's just because I was stupid? I neither expect nor want it. I still make bad choices. I've made lots in the past 24 hours. Even more in the past 48. I am about to choose to go to bed, because I got 15 minutes of sleep.

I'm not in a bad mood. I'm actually in a very good mood because of all sorts of things. I didn't get the vibe I'll now address from comments, but from a couple people IRL. Why is it so hard to understand that just because I write about depressing things, or things I was once depressed about, I'm not depressed?

I've been odd lately about a number of things. I've been incredibly stressed. I have some loose ends to tie up. I have a lot on my mind. But I'm not depressed.

The worst I am with my life is annoyed and a tad frustrated. That's about the worst of it; see, I really live this horrible life. I still make crappy choices. But they're not quite so damaging when you understand how to deal with things.

Thank you for your thoughts, and yes, concern. Remember, I got 15 min of sleep, and the "everything is funny" phase is long gone. Sorry if this is a little taut.

Update:

Sarcasm is hard to type with lack of sleep. Life's good. :P